Friday, August 6, 2010

The Ugly Truth

The last time I felt pretty was probably sometime in the early stages of my pregnancy. Ever since Ryan was born I have felt ugly. It's not that my looks have changed that much, but in order to feel somewhat attractive, I need to be able to spend a few minutes each day making myself "pretty". These days I just feel sloppy, saggy and plain.

Despite the fact that I have lost my 35 pregnancy lbs plus another 15, most of my clothes do not fit. My shirts are mostly too tight, thanks to *ahem* the fact that I'm breastfeeding. Therefore I am still wearing mostly maternity t-shirts. And the pants I wore pre-pregnancy are all too loose. So I walk around all day with my pants about to fall off. I don't want to buy new clothes until I'm sure my weight has stabalized. And I don't own a belt (is that weird?), so my pants sag like a 16-year-old boy's. It makes me feel really sloppy and uncomfortable.

I'm lucky to get a shower about every 2 days. When I am able to wash my hair, it's a luxury. My hair is thick and wavy and looks pretty awful if it is not dried and straightened. But who has time for that? By the time I get out of the shower Ryan is usually crying, so all I have time to do is run a comb through my wet hair and put it in a pony-tail. Ugly.

As I mentioned above, Ryan is crying by the end of my shower. By the time I get dressed he's screaming. So putting on makeup is another one of those luxuries that I only get a chance to do maybe 2-3 days out of the week. Without my makeup I feel ugly and plain.

Add to this the fact that I walk around most days with spit-up all over me. I've got dark circles under my eyes from a serious lack of sleep. And brushing my teeth is an after-thought at the end of the day.

Nobody said being a mom was glamorous. I don't need glamour. Maybe just one article of clothing that fits and a haircut?


  1. I know just how you feel. I to this day when I'm home wear nothing but shape wear. So in other words yoga pants and t-shirts that are a size to big. Bras ha i have yet to find one that supports me so until then sports-bras are my thing.I two just throw my hair up so I don't have to deal with it. So in other words me time doesn't come around to often. It doesn't matter that i've gone back to my pre baby weight cause i still feel gross. ALL my clothes are about 2 sizes to big. But I have no want to go shopping cause nothing fits the way it use to... Makeup yeah the last time I had makeup on was my birthday. So your not alone on this one at all! And my youngest is 16 months old. By the way you don't look ugly at all. I know it doesn't mean much when you yourself don't feel it but you look great really you do...

  2. You are beautiful my dear. Even if you don't feel it. Can't always trust our feelings. BUT it is important to feel good about yourself especially when taking care of babies who are so high need. Maybe think of just one thing, like getting ONE new pair of pants even if they turn out to be used only a short while. If it makes you feel it!! And this too shall pass...!

  3. You hit it on the nail!! Congrats on all that weight loss!! Showering, brushing my teeth, and (sigh) mascara have become luxeries not needs. I always think that I need to spend time to feel good about myself and look good for my hubs.... um when?!