The Other "C" Word

Back when Ryan was an infant I posted about the dreaded "C" word....colic. Now here we are a year later and we are experiencing a new C word.....the croup.

Yes, Ryan is sick again!! Darn those germs. He has been averaging one cold every 2 months. This only started yesterday with a very runny nose all day. He didn't seem too bothered by it until the evening, when he wouldn't fall asleep. I eventually sang him to sleep in bed with us, but then he woke up a couple hours later with the most horrible sounding cough. It's the barking seal cough. You may remember it from your childhood. At least I do. I instantly knew that's what Ryan was experiencing.

What I didn't remember was the way it sounds when you takes a breath in with the croup. His windpipe is constricted by the croup infection, so he isn't able to get as much air. It sounds like he's gasping for air when he breathes in (called "stridor"), which is one of the scariest noises I've ever heard come out of my baby. I got up, turned on the shower, and called Kaiser. They gave me some advice, and said it was very important to keep him calm, because not getting enough air can cause him to panic and cry, thus making it worse. They said to keep an eye on his breathing, and to watch for signs of lack of oxygen, which would necessitate an ER visit.

I was able to nurse Ryan back to sleep throughout the night after each coughing episode. But I was a mess. I was so worried about my baby that I lay awake all night listening to his breathing. When I first got up to turn on the shower to create steam for him, I almost threw up. I had such an immediate reaction of anxiety and panic to Ryan's condition that my body reacted physically. It was scary. And I'm dreading going to sleep tonight and repeating last night.

This part of motherhood absolutely stinks. I don't want my son to experience pain and discomfort, especially when it is potentially dangerous to him. I want to take the pain away from him and endure it myself, rather than watch him feel so miserable. God please watch over my baby tonight.