I would like to say Thank you in response to your sweet words about my post from last week "Am I Normal?" I received so many calls, visits and e-mails about my post. I am still trying to process all the advice I got (I really do appreciate all of it! It's just a lot for me to think about).
I think one of the core issues is sleep. There is no way around it....both Ryan and I would be happier if we were both getting more sleep. I am reading some books and trying to formulate a plan for improving his sleep habits.
Another issue is that I thrive on routine. For some reason, God has blessed me with a little boy who is anything but predictable. (Although what child is totally predictable?) Ryan has no routine whatsoever, other than the times that he eats during the day. It kind of drives me crazy, and I know I would enjoy motherhood more if I could expect a little break every day in the form of a nap. Motherhood is not a logical, black and white problem that I can "figure out". This is something I'm going to have to adjust to. I'm praying about it.
Finally, another issue I struggle with is comparison. Ever since I gave birth, I have been comparing my son to other babies his age. It is a very vicious trap to fall in to. Just the other day I met a woman with an 18-month old and I asked her about his moods/tantrum throwing. She replied that he was very easygoing and hadn't thrown any tantrums. I immediately started feeling sorry for myself, because I have such a strong-willed child. But this is so selfish of me! I could compare Ryan to any other child and find something he does better or worse than them. Ryan is his own person, created by God for a purpose. To constantly compare him to others and ask "Why isn't he more like them?" is kind of like questioning God.
So that's where I'm at! For me, motherhood has already taught me SO much about myself. I feel like I've learned more in the past year than Ryan has. Maybe that's how God intended it?
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Comparing kids is the worst idea, but so hard to avoid! I was so bummed yesterday when Maeve was so awful at her 1 year appointment, when some of the ladies on the board said their kids did so great. But my mom today told me I worked myself up at my 1 year appointment so badly that I threw up! So I guess she's doing better than me already. :)
ReplyDeleteClara, if it makes you feel any better, Ryan hates the Dr. He is a wiggly crying mess when we go there.
ReplyDeleteI do THE same thing. I compare my son to other boys I see. It makes me feel soo bad. My son throws fits (stomping feet and screaming) and he's only 15 months! I feel like a bad mom. Why is my son doing this and not theirs? Then I remember God has made this screaming, stomping, crazy little boy JUST FOR ME.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the posts! LOVE THEM!
Like I said before, you are NORMAL!! I think comparing is completely normal because we don't want to think that we're the only ones experiencing something. Neely throws tantrums several times per day. She is a challenge!
ReplyDeleteI know God gave us our babies on purpose to teach us things we never knew before.
Fortunately for me, I had helped with raising several of your boy cousins before having Jessamy, so I was able to see how different each child is, and wasn't thrown for too much of a loop when I had Jessamy who was so active and required so little in the way of daytime napping, who crawled at 5 1/2 months and stood up at six months and started walking holding on to things! Right when we had a vacation to Hawaii that turned out to be anything but relaxing with a baby you couldn't put down or keep in one place. Who was ALREADY putting her finger in light sockets. AARRGGHHH! I had a friend who had six children...all easy as pie....and then she had number seven....a boy...just like Jessamy...demanding, difficult at times...and never still...she said if she had had him first she wasn't sure she would of had any more!!! That so comforted me to hear. I was in a Las Madras play group for years...we had about 40 kids in our group...and only 2 other kids (boys at that!) were like Jessamy. The other Mom's could sit and talk and their kids would stay close at hand. Ours were off exploring as far away as they could get...climbing and getting into trouble. We couldn't sit and visit with the other Mom's. We'd shout at each other as we chased our kids!!! Jessamy went through an easier time pre-puberty...but when the teen years hit? Whomp...like having that oh-so challenging tot again. With more complications!! That's when I realized God really trusted me (thanks? lol) in giving me this oh-so-challenging person to raise. He wouldn't of just given her to anyone!! He trusted in my patience and love as I trust in his. So...even though it may not feel like a blessing....it is!! Just make sure you find some bless Stephanie time so you can recharge! I so wish I was in a position to help....But since I'm not...I'll just keep praying for you. :)
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