Glimpses

I've had this post about Lucas written in my head for the past month or so. You see, for about a month at the beginning of the school year, I was seeing a big change in Lucas.

He was being gentler with his sister, and getting along better with his big brother.

He was having fewer tantrums. And when Lucas did get in trouble, he would actually STAY in his timeout. Seriously, this never used to happen. I noticed he was calming down more easily and apologizing much more readily.

Lucas was also becoming more responsible. He started putting his shoes and backpack away without being asked. Waking up and getting dressed before even coming downstairs.

He was becoming more gentle. Not nearly as much hitting and aggressive or destructive behavior. He was happy and agreeable and I no longer lived in fear of taking him out in to public.

Adam noticed the change as well. We talked excitedly about how Lucas was finally outgrowing his terrible 2's and 3's, and maturing into a calmer 4 yr old. We even questioned the potential diagnosis of ADHD given to us by his behavior specialist.

And then the last two weeks happened.

It was like we were right back in the throes of the last two years. Back to the never-ending rages. Back to the aggression. The hitting, kicking, biting, throwing, destroying. Back to zero impulse control. Back to the violent mood swings and inability to handle being told NO. Back to me living in fear of leaving my kids alone together for more than a couple minutes.

Back to the utter exhaustion at the end of the day, followed by the internal monologue of "What am I doing wrong here?"

It reminded me of when a baby first sleeps through the night and you think FINALLY. We are past that difficult stage! Then a few nights later they start waking up every hour, and you feel like you're back to square one. Fooled you Mommy! Just kidding!

But oh you guys. I saw a glimpse of what Lucas is going to be like when he matures. And it was amazing. Life was easier. More fun. More calm. All the things we love about Lucas without all the angst. I know he has better behavior in him, so I am encouraged by this last month of behavior. It was just the glimpse I needed. I am confident that our efforts are not all in vain. Slowly but surely he will mature and grow up to be an even more amazing person.